I know what you're thinking if you've just gone through a breakup. We've all been through it. I can hear you saying to yourself: 'Is it really over? For good?', 'Is there some way to get my ex back?', 'There has to be a way, because I can't live without him/her.'

Well, I have two things to say to you: First, YES you can live without him or her. Second, if you're wondering if there is a way to win your ex back; my answer is a resounding YES.

There are those that will always tell you not to try and get back together with an ex. Their reasons vary: if it's meant to be it will happen, getting back together never works out in the long run, they never liked the person you were with in the first place, etc. Some of these statements in certain cases are often true and wise, but remember this: nobody knows your heart and mind as you yourself do. Nor does anyone else know the details of your relationship or break up as you do. So, the decision to win your lover back is, and should be, yours alone. LISTEN to what others tell you, but don't let them DECIDE for you.

If, after giving serious thought to the issue, you decide that you and your ex should get back together then the next thing to do is figure out how to do it. This is where you're in luck! There are loads of information available about the best way to tackle this issue. There has been a great deal written about all types of break ups and specific ways to deal with them. Remember that we humans have been dealing with romantic troubles for eons and someone, somewhere will have some good advice for your particular situation. Here are a couple of pointers that I can pull from my bag of experience.

1. Be nice. That might go without saying, but getting angry is one of the first responses that we have when we are hurt by someone else. You need to overcome this emotion for the time being and act pleasant, cool, and collected about the situation for now. If your anger needs to be expressed that should be done later and in a more strategic manner. Anger will only make your ex want to run away further. I know, easier said than done, but you've got to control your anger, period.

2. Let him or her go - for now. Again, this will take some extreme effort on your part. Letting your lover go is probably the last thing that you want to do, but it's only temporary. When people want to escape there really isn't anything you can do to change that. Trying to stop your boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge from leaving you by begging and making demands or ultimatums will only make them want to escape even quicker.

3. Don't try to make your ex jealous or find out what they are doing through the grapevine. This never works. It's disingenuous; your ex will see right through this obvious maneuver and want you even less. If you want to date someone else, then go right ahead. Just don't make any attempts to let your ex know about it. It's easy to tell when someone is just trying to make another person jealous. It isn't a good idea to send out your own little investigators to keep up with your ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge either. People always talk and your ex will find out that you've been "spying" on them.

4. Don't stalk. Not on myspace, facebook, in person, etc. If they catch you....Ouch! That will definitely mess up the chance to get your ex back. Enough said.

5. Immerse yourself in new activities. Pick up a new hobby, reconnect with old friends, work out at the gym...whatever. All of these things will enrich your life and generally make you a more self-assured and well-rounded person, which is always attractive to other people. Focus on yourself for the time being and not your ex. This sends out a signal without having to say a word; one that says "I'm fine without my ex, I can be happy with whatever life throws at me." Your ex will either see this or hear about it, trust me. Maybe not immediately, but with a little time they will and chances are that he or she will come knocking on your door.

These things are what you need to do immediately. They are meant to get you to focus on yourself for a short period of time, maybe a couple of weeks, and they can work wonders. But, you absolutely must be patient. Don't jump the gun and break any of the above rules just because you think that they aren't working, even if you find out that your ex is with someone else. You must, I repeat, must keep your cool, even if it's killing you inside. You have more memories and time built up with your ex than anyone they might be dating at the moment and that will work to your advantage. However, you will lose that advantage if you lose your head and do something stupid. You must let him or her miss you and wish they had you back of their own accord. You can't force them to come to that conclusion.

However, this is just the start of what must be done to get back with your ex. The rest gets a little more complicated depending on your specific situation, but there are many good programs and books available to help you win back your ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge. Check out the review page at www.recoveryourexlover.com for some good recommendations.

James Phoenix owns and operates the website http://www.recoveryourexlover.com, which offers advice and resources for those trying to rebuild or repair their realtionships.