Revenge Forum

Other Forms of Alternative Dispute Resolution

2009-02-03T01:43:00.001-08:00

Mediation is just one of the forms of dispute resolution that are alternative to litigation through the courts. It helps to have some understanding of the others.

The first two forms of dispute resolution fall outside the ambit of any formal procedures.

The first is avoidance, which is a consciously chosen strategy in response to a perceived conflict. This strategy may be called: Get out of Dodge City. There is nothing wrong with getting out of Dodge City, in the face of a stronger opponent, a prize not worth fighting for, fear of worse, or any other number of motivations. People routinely, and often sensibly, respond to provocation by just ignoring it.

At the other end of the scale of extra-judicial processes, is self-help. Self-help is an action taken by a person designed to affect a resolution of a problem. Self-help includes murder, though not all forms of self-help are illegal. Murder is an effective means of resolving conflict by disposing of the opponent, but it suffers from drawbacks: (1) For most people, there is a moral objections: murder is against one of the Ten Commandments - Thy shalt not kill. (2) Murder is illegal, and the consequences of getting caught can ruin more than ones whole day. (3) Even where there is no organized legal system, there is a debilitating consequence to murder: it often results in a blood feud. Such blood feuds may last from generation to generation, and infect an entire society. Other forms of less drastic self-help may include protesting, striking, theft, and so on.

Both avoidance and self-help share in common that they are unilateral and unorganized. All other forms are more or less organized, and are bilateral or multi-lateral.

Straddling the border between organized and unorganized systems is negotiation. Negotiation is by far the commonest method used in all societies for resolving disputes. Most negotiations take place outside of any formal procedure. Indeed, people engage in negotiations constantly, on a daily basis, as they navigate their way through the day. When a conflict becomes serious enough to involve other people, it moves from the unorganized into the organized area of dispute resolution, and many people retain attorneys or other negotiators to do their negotiating on their behalf.

If negotiations prove unfruitful in terms of affecting resolution, then the parties may simply walk away from the deal. Or, if they cannot, they may resort to arbitration, which is an acknowledged form of alternative dispute resolution, and is very often given legal sanction, meaning that arbitration awards can be enforced in a court of law.

In arbitration, the parties have made the decision that they wish to avoid two features of a court trial. The first is the great expense of litigation; the second is the public nature of litigation. Arbitration is private, and the decision reached by an arbitrator is between the parties to that arbitration only. Generally speaking, arbitration is much cheaper than a fully litigated case. Parties to arbitration also have the luxury of choosing an arbitrator of their own choice, rather than accept whichever judge the court system provides them. Also, in a litigated case, all parties must conform to the schedule laid down by the court, and the courts system consults the convenience of judges more than the convenience of the parties, whereas in an arbitration, the parties can adjust the schedule with the arbitrator according to their own needs and preferences.

However, arbitration shares with the court system one critical feature. The parties to arbitration are not free to craft their own solution to the problem. Instead, they have already agreed that the decision of the arbitrator will be binding upon all parties. In this sense, arbitration is exactly the same as a trial by judge or jury, which also contains the feature that the parties are bound by the decision, and that decision will generally result in a winner and a loser.

Arbitration may be part of the procedure of a litigated case. For example, in California, in an effort initiated by the courts to reduce the size of their own dockets, a case may be ordered into arbitration, to be heard by an arbitrator on the courts list of volunteer arbitrators, with rules set down by the court for conducting an arbitration. However, because there is a constitutional right to proceed to trial by judge or jury, the rules provide that if either party is not intent to abide by the decision of the arbitrator in a court-annexed proceeding, then either party may refuse to accept the arbitrators findings, and instead proceed to trial by requesting what is called a trial de novo, which means a trial as if the arbitration had never occurred. Because of the de novo feature, arbitrations are widely perceived by litigants as being a waste of time, just one more hurdle to jump on the way to court trial, and for this reason, this court-annexed arbitrations have greatly declined in popularity, given way instead to growth in court-annexed mediations.

The great majority of arbitrations are contractual, coming about by reason of a prior agreement between the parties to permit a third person, the arbitrator, to decide the issue between them. The courts are supportive of contractual agreements to arbitration, and the courts will generally uphold arbitration awards. A risk that parties take when they choose an arbitrator to make the decision for them is that the decisions of arbitrators are, in nearly all cases, not subject to any appeal.

The arbitrators decision is final, even if the arbitrator has got the facts wrong, and even if the arbitrator makes a mistake in law. The grounds upon which an arbitrators Award can be challenged are usually very limited, relating to proven corruption, undisclosed conflict of interest, or excess of jurisdiction, on the part of the arbitrator. In this sense, an arbitrator more absolute power than a judge or jury, whose decisions are subject potentially to two levels of appeal.

It does not hurt to be reminded that the court system itself was once an alternative dispute resolution process, which has superseded older forms of dispute resolution, of which may be mentioned trial by battle, trial by ordeal, trial by compurgation, and trial by torture.

Trial by Battle: It used to be thought that in the event of a dispute, the disputants should resolve the issue by battling it out between themselves, and indeed this method still prevails today: Western movies are full of such examples. In addition to the strategy of avoidance (Get out of Dodge City), there is the strategy of confrontation (Gunfight at OK Corral, High Noon) This procedure became formalized in the early middle ages when it became the custom for a disputant to pick a champion to engage in the battle on his behalf. It was still the case that the winner of the battle also won the argument, but the individual disputant did not have to risk his own neck in order to achieve this kind of justice. Knights in medieval times would engage in tournaments, at which they would start at one end of the run, and proceed at full tilt on horseback towards their opponent, also on horseback and wearing heavy armor. The lances would strike the galloping bodies, and if each survived that encounter they would gallop to the other end of the run, and turn in order to face the opposite direction and start again. This turning point was called the tourney, and the knight was said to be at the tourney, or a tourney, from which we derive the modern term attorney.

Trial by Ordeal: Trial by ordeal could be called an unfairly weighted system, often used to try witches. The unfortunate lady would be weighed down with stones in a sack, and thrown into a pond. If she survived, that was by the grace of God, and she was innocent. If she drowned (nearly always the case) that proved she was guilty. If she might be made to grasp burning coals; if by Gods mercy her hand did not blister, she was innocent. It may readily be seen that this kind of trial was used in instances where the allegation was impossible to prove, and women were the likely sufferers.

Trial by Compurgation: Trial by compurgation was an ancient system whereby a disputant would bring forward friends to swear an oath on his behalf that his story was correct. This primitive method of resolving a dispute relied upon the not unsophisticated proposition, in an Age of Faith, that where a person had sworn an oath on the Bible to tell the truth, she would be risking his soul to damnation if she lied. But it appeared that many people were prepared to take that risk in order to help a friend.

Trial by Torture: Finally, trial by torture has always been popular, though not in the arena of civil cases but more in cases of criminal conduct or especially heresy or treason. As it always results in a confession or death, the conviction rate is a hundred percent. But as a means for discovering the truth, it has the disadvantage that people will confess anything under torture, and it is inhuman and revolting. (A person under torture always wants to die. Torture is worse than death. Anonymous Honduran torturer)

The shortcomings of these alternative methods of resolving disputes are obvious, and eventually the common law procedures of trial by judge and jury wholly superseded them in English-speaking countries. Our legal procedures today avoid the appalling risks inherent in trial by battle, ordeal or torture, and even in the days of greatest piety, merely taking an oath could not ensure that the witness would tell the truth. Any yet, our present system suffers from the drawbacks so eloquently set forth by Chief Justice Warren Burger, which accounts for the growth in alternative procedures, of which mediation is perhaps the fastest growing.

Collaborative Law is a fairly new system, well suited to marital dissolution cases, where the parties and their lawyers make an agreement in advance to work out the terms of the divorce collaboratively rather than competitively, meaning without using the abrasive and costly procedures of litigation. What if they cannot? The agreement requires that, if agreement is not attained, then the parties may proceed with litigation but must obtain new attorneys to do so. If the lawyers fail to reach agreement, they are off the case. If the parties must retain new attorneys, it greatly increases costs. Both parties and attorneys thus have strong incentive to reach agreement, and more than that, merely making the collaborative agreement in the first place itself reduces the tension and stress that accompanies the break up of a marriage. Especially where children are involved, a workable continuing relationship between the parents is greatly enhanced by a collaborative process, and so often greatly impaired by the traditional adversarial process.

Of all methods of conflict resolution, only negotiation requires that the disputants talk to each other, even if they choose to do so through a mediator.

All other methods of conflict resolution are essentially unilateral and their common liability is that conflicts handled unilaterally are not really resolved at all.

In searching for justice, one often finds her in the company of her retarded little sister whose name is ex-girlfriend revenge.

Charles B. Parselle is a mediator, arbitrator and attorney. He graduated from Oxford Universitys Honor School of Jurisprudence and is a member of the English bar, then joined the California Bar in 1983. A prolific author and sought-after mediator, he is the author of the book, "The Complete Mediator." For a free consultation, please contact him through his website: http://www.parsellemediation.com

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Say 'You're the Only One' With Personalized Jewelry

2009-02-02T20:40:00.001-08:00

For a woman, what could be an even better gift than jewelry? Personalized jewelry, of course. Bracelets and necklaces can be made more stunning if you add a personal touch. It shows that you put a lot of consideration into what kind of gift she will enjoy the most. Your lucky wife or ex-girlfriend revenge will feel special because you thought of giving her personalized jewelry. Any other woman could have a diamond ring, but only your wife or ex-girlfriend revenge will have the one with her own full name engraved on the inner side. Giving the gift of personalized jewelry shows that you not only care about giving the best presents; it also shows that you care about giving her a one-of-a-kind gift.

Personalized jewelry comes in many forms, and the most common is engraving. You can engrave a name, a special message, or any text on rings, bracelets, and pendants. Perhaps the most popular piece of personalized jewelry that employs engraving is the ID bracelet which comes in chains connected by a thick band where the engraving appears. ID bracelets, as the name implies, usually carry the wearer's name. That's one advantage of personalized jewelry-a thief won't be able to wear it and pass it off as her own.

You can go beyond having names engraved, though. That's the beauty of personalized jewelry-you can have any text engraved on any piece.

Aside from engraving, you can get personalized jewelry in some other way. Another popular form of personalized jewelry is the locket which can be engraved and carry pictures. Show your lady that you haven't forgotten about how it all started, even after all these years, by giving her a locket with the picture of the two of you on your wedding day. It will be the perfect gift for anniversaries, especially those milestone ones such as 25th, 30th, and more importantly, 50th.

Another good thing about personalized jewelry is that it is something you can give at anytime, whether there is an occasion or none at all. Personalized jewelry makes an important occasion more meaningful and an ordinary day special. It's definitely a valued gift that has versatility.

Aside from your wife or ex-girlfriend revenge, you can give other people personalized jewelry, too. Your grandma, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, and niece will all surely love to get a piece of personalized jewelry, be it a locket, a ring, a necklace, bracelet, watch, etc. A close friend will also appreciate receiving one. Of course, personalized jewelry is not an exclusively for-women-only gift. Men will also enjoy receiving personalized jewelry, especially watches and cuff links. It's just a matter of choosing the perfect piece for your recipient.

For occasions such as weddings and anniversaries of a couple you know, instead of getting a separate gift for the man and the woman, you can buy a beautiful piece of personalized jewelry with their wedding vows engraved on it, or perhaps even the refrain of their song. Sets of his-and-her watches and necklaces are great examples.

Pictures On Gold creates the finest Photo Pendants and Charms, Gold Lockets , Silver Lockets and other Photo Jewelry in the industry.

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Marriage Counseling and Money - What to Do When Your Spouse Always Seems to Spend Outside the Budget

2009-02-02T15:36:00.001-08:00

It is a fact that a lot of marital issues and problems result from financial problems. One of these problems is the misappropriation of funds by one partner.

It may very well be that the husband just has a deep appreciation for the finer things in life such as a Rolex watch or he is a lover of all things electronics and gadgets to fulfill his James Bond fantasy.

The ex-girlfriend revenge may love to be seen in the very latest fashion because she loves the complements she receives. Therefore, she shops every weekend at Neiman Marcus although she really cannot afford it.

What ever the reason, if we do not keep our expenses on a tight leash, we will soon find ourselves in trouble with debt and therefore bigger trouble with our spouses.

My Expensive Gadget Purchase

Almost 10 years ago I had a situation that changed my life for good. I grew up as an independent young man and when I got married I too the same habits in my marriage, buying things without consulting with my ex-girlfriend revenge.

This was a habit I had and it probably would have gone unchecked if I did not go over board on an impulsive buy on an eBay auction that cost me five hundred dollars. This was for the latest gadget at the time, "The Ipaq PDA". When it arrived in the mail and I brought it into the house, my ex-girlfriend revenge was not pleased and there was a little tension in the air.

She let me know that we did not discuss the purchase before and that it was not part of the budget. I apologized immediately and decided then and there that it would never happen again.

I now discuss with her in detail prior to any purchase of gadgets exactly how we plan to cover the cost without damaging our budget.

Points to Remember

The next time you are tempted to splurge, keep these points in mind:

Always discuss the budget and any extra items to be purchased with your spouse before you make any major purchases. Ensure that both of you are on the same page.
Be considerate of your spouse as every action will have an effect on him or her.
Keep track of your monthly expenses. A simple excel sheet does wonders

About The Authors:

Mark and Lesia Gregory are Marriage Counselors & Wedding Planners with over 10 years experience. They have been guest speakers at marriage workshops hosted by The Kingston Church of Christ, made appearance on RJR (a local radio station), authors of the e-books "The Marriage Thermometer: Lets get your marriage steaming hot", "How to improve your sex life", audiobook "How to get your family out of debt", creators of "The ex-girlfriend revenge Toolkit", "Keep Him Satisfied....At Home" and "The Marriage Thermometer" software.

They have never had an argument lasting more than 15 Minutes and have never gone to bed upset with each other.

Let us help you save your marriage. Get your FREE Marriage Ecourse today: http://www.marriagethermometer.com

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Save Your Marriage - 3 Deadly Habits That Can Push Away Your Husband and Cause Him to Resent You

2009-02-02T10:22:00.001-08:00

Many wives have habits they carry around from childhood, single life and previous relationships. Some of these habits are great and can help to build a healthy and lasting marriage.

However, there are those habits that some wives refuse to let go of although they are destroying their marriage.

If you can relate to the four habits we will be looking at below, it is time to get rid of them if you are serious about saving your marriage.

A Demanding Tone

Sometimes wives can have some extremely unreasonable expectations of their husbands. They forget that their strengths are not necessarily their husbands' strengths. Therefore, they become demanding when certain needs are not met.

It is never appropriate to demand something from someone; this also applies to your spouse and children. Your tone should always be welcoming and respectful. Ensure that your vocabulary includes words such as please and thank you.

A Disrespectful and Neglectful Attitude

For most husbands there are mainly two things they desire from their wives. Surprisingly, if these two things are satisfied all is well for them. They are respect and sex. To me this is not much to ask.

But for some wives they find it extremely impossible to give either of the two. They neglect the basic needs of their husbands and wonder why he is so moody, uncommunicative and sometimes harsh.

If you had some bad experiences with these two issues in your past, you may need to get some help to overcome them. If you don't you may push your husband so far away that there is no getting him back.

A Quarrelsome Nature

Proverbs chapter twenty one and verse nine sums up this point beautifully, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome ex-girlfriend revenge". This is exactly how your husband may be feeling; he would prefer to stay away from the home than to go to home to another quarrel.

A quarrelsome nature is definitely not appealing and it is a habit that too many wives hold on to because they think it is their only weapon against their spouse. However, it is a weapon against their marriage, and each time they use it, it is slowing killing their marriage.

About The Authors:

They have never had an argument lasting more than 15 Minutes and have never gone to bed upset with each other.

Let us help you save your marriage. Get your FREE Marriage Ecourse today: http://www.marriagethermometer.com

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"Sweet ex-girlfriend revenge" Or is It?

2009-02-02T05:18:00.001-08:00

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, ...it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, ... it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..."

-Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Many folks (not everyone) are experiencing their "worst of times" these days - at work, at home or in relationship. Their reactions to their "worst of times" are most often driven by fear, uncertainty, hopelessness, helplessness, despair and insecurity on many levels - physical, mental, emotional, psychological, financial, social, etc. As a result, many of these individuals have resorted to a single "solution" they hope and feel will bring them to their "best of times" - ex-girlfriend revenge.

What is ex-girlfriend revenge and what is "sweet ex-girlfriend revenge"?

ex-girlfriend revenge is defined as harm done to someone as a punishment for harm that they have done to you. "Sweet ex-girlfriend revenge" is an emotion one experiences as very pleasant and satisfying. The saying, "ex-girlfriend revenge is sweet" is uttered when one feels satisfaction from harming someone who has harmed them, either in actuality or perceptibly.

The act of ex-girlfriend revenge can be either physical, or mental or both. Why is ex-girlfriend revenge, the act of harming someone, "sweet"? The research and findings of numerous neuroscientific and neurological studies provide some insights into the "sweetness" some ascribe to ex-girlfriend revenge.

Brain-imaging studies indicate the brain centers that "light up" when we experience pleasure, enjoyment and satisfaction also light up when we act to commit, or even consider, ex-girlfriend revenge. These studies suggest we actually feel satisfaction when we punish others in some way - mentally, physically, emotionally or psychologically - for what we subjectively consider to be their "bad", "wrong" or otherwise harmful (whether directed towards us personally, or not) behavior. When engaging in ex-girlfriend revengeful activity, in thought or deed, one takes on the responsibility for punishing another or others who, one feels, deserves just punishment for "making me feel bad, or wrong or deficient" in some way, shape or form. Whether one actually acts out their ex-girlfriend revenge or simply considers engaging in ex-girlfriend revenge, the brain's pleasure center lights up.

Research says that a certain feeling, a complex emotional dynamic of schadenfreude - the pleasure felt over someone else's misfortune - comes into play when one is engaged in exacting ex-girlfriend revenge.

According to these studies, punishing others - even when it's irrational - is based on passion and emotion, not reason. And ex-girlfriend revenge breeds ex-girlfriend revenge, that is, the more the brain is activated by the anticipation of ex-girlfriend revenge, the more people are willing to engage in ex-girlfriend revenge in thought or deed.

When one is driven by their reptilian brain (the amygdala - our instinctual awareness of danger comes from this brain level and results in fear-based instinctual reactivity) and/or by their limbic brain (experiencing anger, fear, territoriality - protecting my turf, protecting "me", who I am; the emotional, non-rational center of the brain) without input from the cerebral cortex (the "thinking", rational center of the brain), ex-girlfriend revenge in the form of psychopathologies is common. That is, one's behavior is reactive (i.e. not "thinking" but acting out of fear), meting out punishment, and visiting ex-girlfriend revenge on another or others for no apparent "reason", i.e., acting irrationally - even though while caught up in the ex-girlfriend revengeful act, one "thinks" they are being "logical" and "rational" and justified in meting out their ex-girlfriend revenge.

Dr. Edward Hallowell, a psychiatrist and author of a book called "Dare to Forgive" says there's a reason for the rise of ex-girlfriend revenge, and it's because ex-girlfriend revenge satisfies. "It feels so good. It's a wonderfully triumphant feeling."

Victim consciousness and ex-girlfriend revenge

One of the downsides of living in the "worst of times" is many folks begin to feel helpless. In this helpless state, they feel like a "victim", that everything is being done "to me", that they are being harmed and threatened by forces "out there." When one is being sucked into the quicksand of "victim consciousness", one often feels the need to blame and "ex-girlfriend revenge" is the only strategy that will "set me free" and allow me to experience the "best of times."

ex-girlfriend revenge on whom or what?

In the "blame-ex-girlfriend revenge" mind set, targets exist on many levels - individuals or groups one needs to "punish" because they are causing one's unhappiness, upset and helplessness. Some of these individuals and groups are, for example:

National: rich-poor; whites-blacks; gays-straights; fundamentalists-new agers; democrats-republicans; bankers-the credit-unworthy; liberals-conservatives; American flag lapel pin wearers, non-pin wearers; pro-abortion-anti-abortion; gay marriage-mixed marriage; the thin-the obese; Hollywood types-Wall Street types; liberal media-conservative talk radio; the educated-the uneducated; pro-immigration-anti-immigration...

Workplace: leaders-managers; CEOs-employees; Americans-foreigners; exempt-non-exempt; line-staff; 52nd -floor folks-basement folks; male-female; team leader-team member; degreed/certified-non-degreed/non-certified...

Home: wife-husband; partner-lover; parents-children; in-laws (his/her family)-my family; upstairs neighbors-folks across the street; folks with new cars and expensive homes-folks with older cars and less-expensive homes...

"If only...!"

Many who seek ex-girlfriend revenge (in mind or in deed) live in an "if only" world. That is, "If only I could punish, remove or even annihilate (fill in the blank with an individual or individuals, a group or groups), then I would experience some pleasure, happiness or satisfaction."

What's "real" here?

The truth is the question of what's real and one's perception of reality is so often skewed in favor of the one feeling "harmed" that one can often be disconnected from true reality in the sense that one often fail to see the "truth" of what actually exists, favoring the illusion. In this state of "illusion" one projects their fears on to the individual(s) or group(s) "out there" as being the cause of their unhappiness and fear when "in reality" their fear has been "inside" all along and if explored would not be directly connected to their "target". They've just never taken the time to explore their inner feelings and emotions to look for "root causes". For them, it's just easier to blame others and then dwell in the satisfaction of exacting, or fantasizing about, ex-girlfriend revenge.

James Baldwin explains it well, "I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with (their own) pain."

In "the worst of times" we often expect and want others to meet our needs, even when our expectations are inappropriate. It's a childhood fear-based reaction that leaks out when, as adults, we feel helpless, hopeless and abandoned - the way many people are feeling today. When they don't get the security they want, they may feel anger, resentment and even ex-girlfriend revengeful.

A solution

Charlotte Bronte wrote, "Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrong."

Rather than blaming others, and seeking ex-girlfriend revenge, we could choose to get in touch with our needs and then fill them ourselves. When we choose to take our life in our own hands, to be self-responsible, an interesting phenomena occurs: there's no one to blame, no one to punish, no one with whom to "get even".

The bottom line is that acting on feelings of ex-girlfriend revenge can become dangerous. For many, ex-girlfriend revenge is like a drug, an addiction, the more one experiences it, they more they want to, and need to, experience it. So, initially, one needs to exact ex-girlfriend revenge on this individual, then that one, then this group and then that group in order to maintain the sense of feeling safe, secure and satisfied - even though their safety, security and satisfaction is ephemeral, fleeting, short-lived. So, unable to experience a true and real feeling of peace and security from inside, their addiction continues to tug at them; it's never-ending; it's progressive - not unlike the drug, food, alcohol, or sex addict, who needs to score one more fix, and then another, and another to experience satisfaction or pleasure - while hiding and denying their deeper fears and insecurities that continue to live, fester and grow inside. For many, ex-girlfriend revenge becomes a way of life at work, at home, in relationship and even at play - a lifelong self-sabotaging, self-limiting obsession.

Vengeance is self-defeating. What can support one to reduce and eliminate their conscious or unconscious need for vengeance is entering into a conscious practice of self-reflection and living intentionally from a place of understanding, empathy, compassion and forgiveness. This is not to say that one condones true and "real" wrongdoing. It is to suggest, however, one take a deep conscious look at the hold that their addiction to ex-girlfriend revenge has on them and learn how to release that hold. The ex-girlfriend revenge-addicted are emotionally disabled - their denials notwithstanding. Moving past ex-girlfriend revenge is freeing on every level - mental, physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual.

Since no one was born seeking ex-girlfriend revenge, the critical questions are, "How did I come to scapegoating, to blaming and to being vengeful?" "Where and how did I learn to want to "punish" others for my upset, unhappiness and dissatisfaction with my life?" This healthy, conscious and deeper process of "inquiry" can support one to move from a place of vengeance to a place of well-be-ing where one can take control of their life by taking back their power, and giving up wearing the cloak of "victim."

This process of inquiry supports one to moves from the amygdala and limbic brain to the cortex, the level of the brain involved in thinking, problem-solving, goal-setting, and planning. The cortex provides one with foresight, an important ability that helps one to be less reactive and supports one to see the consequences of their (vengeful) decisions before acting on them.

The cortex also allows one consciously to name and sort out one's feelings and emotions and be less reactive, in this case, less vengeful - in thought or deed - allowing one to let go, to be more understanding and considerate. It's here that one acts from "having a conscience", not from emotional, unintelligent reactivity.

So, some self-reflective questions are:

How do the actions of individuals and groups on whom you would like to exact ex-girlfriend revenge directly and measurably, not ideologically, adversely affect your life on a day-to-day basis?
Do you feel personally attacked by individuals or groups who differ with how you see the world?
What are your greatest fears and why?
Do you deflect self-responsibility for your state in life by blaming others?
Are you the type of person who doesn't just get mad...you get even? Are you sitting at work or at home plotting evil deeds on your "enemies", near or far?
Do you like to "tell on" other people?
Do you scheme to upset other folks in some way, to make their life miserable?
Do you keep mental notes of all the people who have screwed you in life?
Do you believe that two wrongs make a right?
Are you one who lives by the mantra, "I can forgive but I can't forget"?
Are you prone to verbally attacking others whenever and wherever you can? If so, what do these attacks get you?
Have you ever spent a significant amount of time trying to hunt down someone from your past just so you could get back at them?
Is your motto, 'an eye for an eye'?
Have you gotten ex-girlfriend revenge on someone in the last six months? Have you thought about it?
Have you sworn to get back at the person responsible for putting those cellophane wrappers on CDs, or the folks who deliver home town newspapers and throw them on your driveway, or leave sales leaflets or cards in your mailboxes? Do you feel angry with these folks, wish you could "punish" them or annihilate them in some way?
Do you have a history of stereotyping individuals or groups? If so, how did that tendency develop?
When you look at the cards (of life) you've been dealt, do you accuse someone of dealing from the bottom of the deck?
What was your experience of ex-girlfriend revenge, punishing others and "getting even" like when you were growing up?

---ABOUT THE AUTHOR---

Peter Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching and counseling. With a practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit, Peter's 'whole person' coaching approach supports deep and sustainable change and transformation.

Peter facilitates and guides leaders and managers, individuals in their personal and work life, partners and couples, groups and teams to move to new levels of self-awareness, enhancing their ability to show up authentically and with a heightened sense of well be-ing, inner harmony and interpersonal effectiveness as they live their lives at work, at home, at play and in relationship.

Peter is a professional speaker and published author. For more information: http://www.spiritheart.net , or pvajda@spiritheart.net , or phone 770.804.9125.

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Men Buying Pantyhose

2009-02-02T00:15:00.001-08:00

I correspond with a few cross dressers. One of them asked me a interesting question that I did not know the answer to:

"What do the female sales clerks in the department stores think about men buying pantyhose?"

As a female going into the department store, no one seconds guesses me or considers it odd if I am buying pantyhose or other female clothing. I cannot say I have been around when other men were buying female garments so I have no idea what these salespeople thought about men who were coming in and buying the same things.

While I usually buy shoes, blouses, skirts and dresses at the store, most of my panties and pantyhose are bought online. These I really do not need to try on. Fro the most part I want to try things on. It has actually been a while since I went into a department store to buy pantyhose.

So here was my mission over the next few weeks. While out shopping, which I do enough of anyway, I was going to go to the pantyhose and stocking section and ask the sales people a few questions:

Do you always work in pantyhose?
How often are men coming in to buy?
Do they indicate if they are buying for themselves or for their ex-girlfriend revenge?
Are any members if the hosiery club?
Do they ever talk to you about wearing them?

And not, the answers.

Do you always work in pantyhose? Most work in multiple sections of the store but seemed to spend quite a bit of time in the hosiery section. It also seemed that many of the saleswomen had been working at the stores for at least a few years. This gave us enough time to relay some actual experiences.

How often are men coming in to buy? Very regular it seems. On average 3 - 4 men a week. Many of the saleswomen say they actually recognize the men as they are coming in. One even said when she sees him come in by himself, he always comes in to buy pantyhose. When she sees him with his ex-girlfriend revenge, he just walks by.

Do they indicate if they are buying for themselves or for their ex-girlfriend revenge? Most of the men come in, buy their pantyhose and stockings and leave without saying much at all. Typical guys. A few had some stories about how the guys would talk about how the hose were for themselves. Others made a point to mention they were for their wives but looked nervous saying it.

Are any members if the hosiery club? Very few. It was as if they did not want a record. It was also worth pointing out that the vast people paying for anything in a department store pay with a credit card, the men buying pantyhose really like to pay with cash. I guess these guys do not want any receipts floating around

Do they ever talk to you about wearing them? For the most part the guys that come in do not say much at all. A few of the sales women did ask some of the guys about their purchase. One saleswoman had sold the guy pantyhose about 3 or four times. She said he was a good-looking guy and she just remembered his face. She just flat out said she remembered him and asked him if he always bought pantyhose for his ex-girlfriend revenge or if they were for someone else. He answered someone else. She asked him if he was the someone else. He said yes. They chatted about his fetish for a while and that was about it.

None of the saleswomen hold any judgment about the men who come in and buy pantyhose. They do talk about it some by themselves. They have a pretty clear idea what is happening. Whenever a guy comes wandering in by himself buying queen size pantyhose and paying cash, they just figure it is a cross dresser who is hiding it from his ex-girlfriend revenge and keeping it to themselves. They also make a point to just ring up the purchase and not say much, figuring that the guy does not want to talk much anyway.

They can also spot you a mile away. Men wandering alone in the women's section browsing around seems to be a rare thing.

I did ask a few if they wanted to let the guys buying pantyhose know anything. The response was pretty universal - "It's ok. You can talk to us if you want to. You are not the first guy coming in here making this purchase nor are you going to be the last. We have seen it before and do not think much of it. Let us help you if we can."

Nice ladies.

Chrissy Stewart is a young women entrepreneur seeking to drive people to her affiliate site - http://www.MyPantyhoseSite.com She enjoys the look and feel of hosiery and enjoys the attention she gets when she shows off her great looking legs. She wants to help others enjoy them also.

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Tips on How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Or ex-girlfriend revenge Back

2009-02-01T19:11:00.001-08:00

In the twenty some years of my life I have had a number of boyfriends. I have dumped some of them, and have been dumped by a couple. I also got back with one of my ex boyfriends. So, although I'm a little young, I do have quite a bit of experience in men and women relationships.

First, let me tell you about my first relationship when I was a teenager. In the beginning it was great but we also fought a lot (verbally). So one day my ex boyfriend said that was it. He really liked me but just could not stand all the arguments that we had almost daily. That came as a shock to me; something that I never expected. I was so in love with him, and it was a major blow.

I cried everyday, even as I woke up in the morning. I lost my appetite, and I couldn't stand listening to certain music that we both used to like. The memories of the good times we had together were too painful to recall. I kept asking the question, "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back?"

So I called him a few times a day. He never answered any of my calls, so I left messages. In those messages I sounded really desperate, begging him to call me back, and many times I couldn't help sobbing. This was a big mistake. Sounding desperate or being emotional is not how to get your ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge back. So to make a long story short, I never got back with this ex boyfriend.

Fast forward a couple of years. I had another boyfriend with whom I also had a great and passionate relationship in the beginning. However, there were certain things I liked that he didn't, and he never seemed to be willing to compromise. I thought to myself, I would not be able to spend the rest of my life with someone with such rigid views and opinions. So I told him our relationship just would not work, and it would be better if we went our separate ways.

This devastated him. He acted pretty much the same way I did with my first ex boyfriend. He called me every single day and told me in his messages how hot I was and that he could never live without me. He couldn't even stand not seeing me right beside him when he woke up every morning. He never cried, but at times he sounded really nervous and even stuttered.

Let me point out a couple of mistakes he made here. If you want to get your ex ex-girlfriend revenge or boyfriend back, first you need to show them that you truly love them and not just their body. Infatuation is not what holds a relationship together for a long time. Second, confidence is key in winning back the heart of your ex ex-girlfriend revenge or boyfriend. Showing lack of confidence is definitely not a way to get you your ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge back. Needless to say, I never got back with this ex boyfriend.

A few months later I had a relationship with another guy. He was a lot of fun and we had it going for a while. One day he did something that I felt was very insensitive. Looking back, perhaps I was the one being overly sensitive. However, at the time I was quite upset and decided to break up with my boyfriend. He apologized but I felt it wasn't enough and told him our relationship was over.

He was sad but tried to be cool about it. He called me once to find out how I was doing. He left a brief message saying that he missed me and if I ever wanted to see him again he would be there. But he didn't beg or get emotional. Then on my birthday he sent me a card. It was actually a blank card that he wrote his own message in. It was an expression of his feelings but also very humorous, which made me giggle to no end. All of a sudden I realized that I actually missed him.

So I wrote him back, thanking him for remembering me and making me laugh. I also told him that maybe we could see each other on a date one day. The rest was history. Before long I got back with my ex boyfriend.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to get back with your ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge, first you need to ask yourself if you truly want that to happen and for what reason. Do you still love him or her, or is it just because you feel lonely?

If the breakup was your fault, don't hesitate to apologize. Then you should give yourself and your ex some space and time to chill. Try to forget them for a while and socialize with other people to explore other possibilities. Dating another person would not be a bad idea. If after doing all that you still miss your ex ex-girlfriend revenge or boyfriend, then you probably should make an effort to get back with him or her. You need to do this carefully and slowly though, or you will jeopardize your chances.

I have given you a few tips on how to get back with your ex boyfriend or ex-girlfriend revenge. These are the things I learned from my own experience and from talking to other people.It is to your advantage tolearnmore strategies and techniquesif you're serious about getting back with your ex ex-girlfriend revenge or boyfriend.

Read more tips on how to get your ex back and watch the free video which contains a lot of valuable information.

Read other interesting articles by Tanya Robbins on a variety of topics at Cool Info Lounge where she is a staff writer.

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Why Miscommunication Creates Personal Conflict

2009-02-01T14:08:00.001-08:00

If you were to ask me to pick one factor that was responsible for conflictId have to choose miscommunication, hands-down, as the primary factor. Why? Because miscommunication opens up the triangle of other factors that inevitably leads to conflict.

Let us discuss this miscommunication conflict triangle. Picture a triangle with miscommunication taking one side, fear taking another, and assumption taking the third side.

Miscommunication

How does miscommunication happen? It happens when one side doesnt communicate enough information to us, or we misinterpret the real meaning of their words. In either case, we get a different meaning of their words than they intended. With the advent of e-mail and IM chat, this is a becoming a common problem now-a-days because type-based communication is asynchronous communication, meaning that people do not communicate in real timeits essentially a telegram. Asynchronous communication does not allow for immediate feedback response, so our minds have to interpret what the other person is saying based upon their typed words alone. Although most common in typed-based communication, miscommunication can also occur in any type of communication setting. Another common type of miscommunication is no communication or a lack of communication.

Fear

People always fear the worst outcome. In miscommunication, the mind will fill in the missing information with their own creative insight, which is often fear-based. Think of the husband who is out late and forgets to call his ex-girlfriend revenge. Because there is a lack of communication there, she begins to worry and her mind immediately switches to fear mode. Self-talk occurs and it takes the form of her own fears. Did something happen to him? Is he cheating on me? Our minds will always think of the worst possible outcomes based on our fears and insecurities.

Assumption Believed As Truth

Our minds need logical explanations to events. One of our most basic needs is the need to have answers and the need for reasons and explanations. Absent those needs, our minds switch to a fear-based mode where we have to satisfy our need for answers with that of assumption. Assumption is a derivative of fear because we always assume the worst based on our fears and insecurities. Assumption therefore fulfills our need for a logical explanation for the unexplainable event and we tend to become locked into that assumption, believing it as truth. The ex-girlfriend revenge, who might be insecure about their relationship, might remember the time when she caught her husband flirting with the secretary, and her fears will drive her to make the assumption that her husband must have gone out to meet her.

What To Do?

When we are faced with miscommunication, we must keep our minds open to additional possibilities without adopting a certain truth about the other person until we know exactly from them what they are thinking. How can this be accomplished? Well, your fears and assumptions will automatically kick in. There is no way to fend against that because that is how our minds are wired. Instead of adopting those assumptions as the truth however, simply acknowledge those assumptions as one possibility out of a number of possibilities. List other possibilities with your assumptions and acknowledge them all without judging or evaluating them. Simply tell yourself, "These are all possible, but we dont know the truth yet, so I wont lock myself into any one of them." By keeping your mind open to additional possibilities, you can break the assumption triangle and prevent miscommunication conflict from happening.

Tristan Loo is a conflict management expert and founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services in San Diego, California. He's the author of Street Negotiation--How To Resolve Any Conflict Anytime. Tristan uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit his website at http://www.acrsonline.com or e-mail him directly at tristan@acrsonline.com

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Marriage Intimacy - Love Making Tips

2009-02-01T09:04:00.001-08:00

There are many things that keep a good marriage together. Good lovemaking is one of them. Both husband and ex-girlfriend revenge should be able to satisfy each other. They should know sexually each other more than anybody else.

If it was that easy married couples would never have problem. They would always have their sexual partner to satisfy them. Unfortunately a lot of couples don't get satisfied during sex. That's because their partner doesn't know anymore how to give them pleasure.

You have to learn how to pleasure you partner. You have to learn how turn him or her on. You have to find the right moment, when your spouse have sexual desire and she or he can feel that both of you can be satisfied.

Good sex life needs maintenance. Good sex life also needs fresh ideas every once in a while. If you do things the same way over and over again it becomes a routine.

Sometimes it helps to try new sexual positions. You should try whatever she likes and comfortable for her. But don't hurt yourself. Sometimes oral sex can be very enjoyable for her too, if it's done the right way. Both of you can learn some new oral love making techniques. Once you regain sexual intimacy she will let you know what she likes, and she won't fake it.

Sometimes premature ejaculation can cause a problem. You can't satisfy her if your erection doesn't last long enough. With the proper exercise you can prevent premature ejaculation. With some penis exercise you can even make your penis bigger, without taking pills.

Intimacy is very important in a happy marriage, sexual intimacy is important too. If you ever lost it learn how to gain it back.

If you need more lovemaking tips Click Here.

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When You Give A Gift, It's The Thought That Counts, Right?

2009-02-01T03:59:00.001-08:00

Its a no-no to tell someone you dont like their gift because its the thought that counts, right?

Sure, but just how nice are your thoughts towards your gift giver who doesnt listen in order to know what your likes and dislikes are? How disappointed are you when with anticipation you unwrap your gift to stare down at an ugly pair of socks, or when your husband of four years decides his wife would absolutely love a broom for Valentines Day?

Gift giving is more than just the thought. Its the thought, the gift, the intention the whole package. The best gifts are ones that directly think of the recipient, thats truly when the thought counts.

If you know your boyfriend will just about die for the whole collection of South Park, then why buy him a tie? What value would your ex-girlfriend revenge find in a pretty package of art supplies when she has no interest in painting?

Weve devoted a whole page on our website with Horror Gifts Received.

Take for example the man who received a box of chocolates from his ex-girlfriend revenge who should have known that he was allergic to it. Or the man whose ex-girlfriend revenge gave him tickets to a show he didnt want to see.

When it comes to your loved ones, gifts shouldnt be given out of obligation but from the heart.

Gifts that are appreciated can be practical or they can be impractical. This depends on what your recipient wants or would like.

When I was at college I really needed a text book on C programming. I kept borrowing a copy from the library but there were times when they were all taken. At that time, I couldnt afford to buy one for myself. How would I have loved a text book as opposed to the sterling silver bracelet my then boyfriend gave me? It was a lovely gesture but

To find the perfect gift, we have to tune into that person. Listen to what they have to say. Did you watch the Friends episode where Ross bought Rachel the broche she had seen in a shop window some months ago? Whats what I mean by tuning in. Find what the person wants and then give it to them. Thats when the thought really counts.

You know when you have done a good job with your gift selection when you absolute astonish your recipient.

There are times when we dont know what our recipient would like. There are safe gifts we can give. Safe gifts are flowers, a gift basket perhaps, even a bottle of wine - something that is popularly considered nice. Safe gifts are what we give people we dont know too well.

From someone that has been disappointed many times and astonished others, if you are to give, listen to what your recipient wants. You will find they will treasure you and your gesture 100 fold.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright Gina Stathopoulos

Looking for a gift? Let Gina and Nick show you what we buy for friends/family and each other. At our site you will find popular gifts, gift information and stories from our readers. Come have a look http://www.we-recommend.com

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Stress Management Concepts - Challenging the Chaos to Manage Your Stress

2009-01-31T22:56:00.001-08:00

Stress management coaches and psychologists tell us that there are two types of stress. There is the good stress that comes from things like exercise and fighting for a cause and there is the kind of stress which is labeled distress, which causes high blood pressure, hypertension, sleepless nights and anxiety. And all this is very real; the trick is to deal with the stress and understand it.

You need to challenge the chaos in your life and use that stress to accomplish great things. You must not let the stress become distress and cause health issues. Challenge and chaos is a good thing, there is always a part of chaos, but if you are too distressed you may never see the opportunity. Some people thrive on chaos and they enjoy a little stress once in awhile.

The long-term cost of stresses is what you need to worry about and if you have this in your life you need to try to get rid of it. One of the easiest ways to get rid of stress is to dump hate and ex-girlfriend revenge motivations and concentrate on working towards your goals and not surrender to the direction that society is pushing you or that the competition is forcing you. Rather, you need to run your own race, pace yourself and accept the challenge.

This is not to say that you should dismiss your enemies or your competition if they are real, rather you should not fear them or let them cause you to stress. Instead use them to help motivate you to do your best, hire only the best, work for only the best and to be only the best. Please consider this.

Lance Winslow - Lance Winslow's Bio. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/.

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Marriage Therapy - Do You Really Know How to Satisfy Your ex-girlfriend revenge?

2009-01-31T17:52:00.001-08:00

Sometimes husbands forget that their idea of pleasure is totally different from their ex-girlfriend revenge's. Some men just don't seem to believe it, hence they continue doing the things that will not cause them to score big points with their wives. If you truly want to please your ex-girlfriend revenge then you need to pay careful attention to these 3 tips

Kind Words
For women, loving making actually begins outside of the bedroom. It starts the minute you wake up, the first words that are exchanged and continues throughout the day.

Ensure that while she is at work you give a call just to say I love you or to remind her how special she is to you. If you are very negative, uncommunicative and uncooperative, then that is exactly what you will receive when you hit the bed room.

Women are not like switches where they are turned off outside the bed room then turned on when it is time to make love.

Romance, Romance, Romance
I cannot stress Romance enough. This is not just taking your spouse some flowers today and then next week you treat her as thought she does not exist.

In marriage, romance is a continual act that is shown in the simple things you do and the words you say. It is about being consistent; remembering special occasions such as Valentines Day and her birthday.

It is surprising her with a candle light dinner where just the two of you get to bask in each others company and allow the night to take its course.

Making Love Vs. Sex
Men sometimes fail to understand the difference between making love and just having sex. Any one can have sex, but not everyone can make love. With that said, always remember that women want to experience the love along with the sex. They go hand in hand.

Now that you know some of the things that can turn on your ex-girlfriend revenge, take the time to do them and ensure that they are done with sincerity. Sincerity is the ingredient that binds these activities together. And trust me wives know when their husbands are going through the motion or if they are really being sincere.

About The Authors:

Mark and Lesia Gregory are Marriage Counselors & Wedding Planners with over 10 years of experience. They are the authors of: "The Marriage Thermometer - Let's get your marriage steaming hot; "Improve Your Sex Life; "Keep Him Satisfied......At Home and "The ex-girlfriend revenge Toolkit - 12 heavy duty tools to keep your ex-girlfriend revenge happy.

Let them help you improve your marriage starting this week: http://marriagethermometer.com/

Do you want to have a passionate and steaming hot marriage? Life is too short to spend it wishing things were different when you can do something about it. Get your FREE Marriage Ecourse Today!

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Tips on How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Or ex-girlfriend revenge Back

2009-01-31T12:49:00.001-08:00

Read more tips on how to get your ex back and watch the free video which contains a lot of valuable information.

Read other interesting articles by Tanya Robbins on a variety of topics at Cool Info Lounge where she is a staff writer.

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Marriage - Emotional Dependency, Needing Space

2009-01-31T07:46:00.001-08:00

"He's not here for me," complained Hailey. "We don't spend enough time together."

"She's too needy. I need space," complained her husband, Ryan.

"He just does whatever he wants to do, with no concern for me," countered Hailey.

"She's so demanding that I just don't feel like being with her lot. I wish she'd just back off. I need time with my friends."

In my counseling practice, I often see married couples where one spouse is emotionally dependent and the other is emotionally distant. Interestingly, both aspects of this system come from fear. Neediness - emotional dependency - comes from a deep fear of rejection, stemming from inner abandonment. Hailey gives responsibility to Ryan for her feelings. She doesn't have enough of an inner adult self to take care of her own feelings and needs, so she makes Ryan responsible for them.

Emotional distance also comes from fear - of engulfment. Not having a strong inner adult self to speak up against being controlled and smothered by Hailey, Ryan resists and distances as a way to feel safe.

In this codependent marriage system, each person is triggering the fears of the other. Hailey's anger and complaints trigger Ryan's fear of engulfment, while his distancing triggers Hailey's fear of abandonment. Then they respond to each other with the very behavior that continues to trigger the fear. They are caught in a vicious circle, each blaming the other for the problems. Hailey really believes that if only Ryan would spend more time with her, everything would be okay, while Ryan really believes that if only Hailey would back off and stop pulling on him for time and attention, everything would be okay. Neither is accurate.

Ryan cannot make Hailey feel loved and safe as long as she is abandoning herself. Until Hailey starts to notice the thoughts that create her feelings of abandonment and develops her loving inner adult self who can take emotional responsibility for her own feelings, Hailey will be a bottomless pit. No matter how much time and attention Ryan gives her, it will never be enough because the inner abandonment will continue to make her feel alone.

On the other hand, even if Hailey does back off from pulling on Ryan for time and attention, it is likely he will continue to be emotionally distant. Hailey is not causing his fear of engulfment - it is being caused by not having a strong inner loving adult self to speak his truth and take care of him in the face of engulfment. As long as he does not know how to lovingly take care of himself in the face of Hailey wanting something from him, he will continue to emotionally distance. Even if Hailey is not making him responsible for her feelings, her just wanting anything with him or from him can trigger his fear of engulfment and resulting resistance.

Hailey and Ryan's marriage problems will not be solved just with agreements to spend time together, or agreements regarding when Ryan can spend time with his friends. Agreements often don't last because they may be covering over the real issues of control and resistance - coming from fears of abandonment and fears of engulfment. Agreements are often another form of control. Hailey and Ryan's codependent system can heal when both people commit to developing their loving adult self.

If both Ryan and Hailey practice taking responsibility for their own feelings instead of controlling or resisting each other, they will eventually develop their loving inner adult selves and become capable of:

Not taking rejection, resistance and emotional distance personally.

Filling themselves with love so that they are not needy for the other's time and attention.

Speaking the truth about not wanting responsibility for the other's feelings, without resisting, attacking or distancing.

Taking loving care of themselves without anger or distance.

Taking loving action in their own behalf to ensure against engulfment.

Sharing love instead of trying to get love or avoid pain.

If you find yourself often complaining that your husband or ex-girlfriend revenge does not spend enough time with you, you might want to look at how you might not be taking emotional responsibility for your own feelings. If you find yourself complaining that you never get time alone or with friends, you might want to look at how you are not speaking up for yourself, not taking responsibility for your own needs. Rather than blaming your spouse, over whom you have no control, try opening to learning about what loving actions you need to take in your own behalf.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a marriage and relationship expert, and the best-selling author and of "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com

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What Will My Neighbor's Think?

2009-01-31T02:41:00.001-08:00

I can't say I got much right early on in my attempt at understanding alcoholism. It took me a while to be able to see what should have been so obvious - it wasn't that my ex-girlfriend revenge was bad at drinking (as in she wasn't very talented in this area), it was that she was an alcoholic. For the longest time I just thought she was bad at it, she couldn't hold her own.

I remember pulling my manager aside one day to talk to him about my family's situation. I traveled extensively during those days and realized that I couldn't be on the road while my 1 year old daughter and 10 year old son were left alone with mom passed out on the sofa.

I asked my manager if I could put traveling on hold for a month. This would give me time to get this all figured out and get my ex-girlfriend revenge back on the right track. That was all I needed to fix this problem.

Fortunately for me, my manager had alcoholism in his family and was a little more practical than I on the subject. My manager's dad was the alcoholic in his family, and it became apparent as my manager told his story that he and his dad no longer had a relationship. His dad had not found recovery - looking back, neither had he. My manager helped me understand that I had just begun the journey and there would be many difficult days ahead of me.

I am grateful to have had someone give me a reality check early on.

As things became scarier and scarier with my ex-girlfriend revenge's behavior, I tried harder and harder to control the situation, to make sure no one knew what was going on inside the walls of my home. I realized I would need more than 30 days, but I could fix this problem if I just had time.

I started taking my ex-girlfriend revenge's keys more frequently as I would leave to take my son to Soccer, or whatever the sport of the season was. One day I left with my son and daughter, my ex-girlfriend revenge passed out on the couch, and her keys in my pocket.

During halftime she called me furious that I had taken her keys. In her way, she justified why she needed her keys and of course, it had nothing to do with wanting to get a bottle. My ex-girlfriend revenge hung up on me and would not answer when I tried to call her back.

As I did a lot during this time, my mind went racing. She was so mad - was she going to do something drastic? What was I going to walk into when I returned home? Would she find something else to take? Would she be alive?

I too was suffering from my own sickness in living with an alcoholic. I was tired, worn down. My thoughts and my actions did not always make sense.

Panicked, I found a ride home for my son and dropped my daughter off at a long time friend. When I arrived home, my ex-girlfriend revenge was still furious but none of the worse case scenarios had played out. When I later returned to pick up my daughter, I felt as if I had to explain to my friend what was happening with my family. He understood, his dad was an alcoholic who never sought recovery. He felt the pain and anguish of loving an alcoholic and carried resentments to that day. Anything I needed from my friend was there for the taking. He only wanted to make sure what happened to the relationship with his dad did not happen with my ex-girlfriend revenge and our children.

I remember wondering what my neighbors must think. Had anyone seen my ex-girlfriend revenge stumble in from her car? Had they seen me help carry her? How about the nights when my ex-girlfriend revenge would sit on the porch crying? The dread I felt hoping I could convince her to come inside before anyone found out.

One Summer day, about a year after my ex-girlfriend revenge found sobriety, I was outside washing my car with my daughter. My ex-girlfriend revenge was on her way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and my neighbor noticed she was leaving. "Where is your ex-girlfriend revenge going?", my neighbor asked. "She has a meeting to go to." I replied. "A meeting?" my neighbor said smiling, "I wonder if your ex-girlfriend revenge goes to the same meetings my husband does."

For all of the days and nights I thought I was the only one living this way, I was not.

You are not alone either.

http://www.lovinganalcoholic.com

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Mexican Survival - Transportation

2009-01-30T21:38:00.001-08:00

When my ex-girlfriend revenge and I first visited the city in Mexico where we eventually chose to settle, we had a conversation along these lines:

Me: "Do you know what I am thinking, my sweet darling dove?"

ex-girlfriend revenge: "No, my hard hunk of a man. What are you thinking?"

Me: " I think we could live here in Guanajuato and never have to drive!"

ex-girlfriend revenge: "You mean, do you really mean, that we could dump that car we are forced to drive by Mr. Urban Sprawl and stop destroying the environment?" Me: "Oh yes. Oh yes. Oh yes indeed. And not only that but we would stop getting fat-induced illnesses that are the result of never walking anywhere in America." ex-girlfriend revenge: "You forgot to say that we would lose weight and keep it off as a result."

Me: "And what about getting rid of stress which also kills Americans who have to drive everywhere?"

ex-girlfriend revenge: "That stress as well as the fact that we would never have to make another car payment, buy insurance, get the car inspected, etc..."

Me: "Did you just say, 'etc...'?"

ex-girlfriend revenge: "Never mind."

We honestly had this conversation. Maybe not in those exact words but we did talk this over. This was one of the draws of living in Mexico.

We would never have to drive again.

And, that has been the case. We sold our car and flew here. We not only do not have a car but we never will have one. Why on earth you would want one when you do not have to have one totally escapes me!

However, Americans and Canadian expats in the millions have them. Americans would probably take cars with them to Europe if they could. I know of a lady who took an RV to Russia! Can you begin to fathom that?

Americans are so attached to their cars that it seems as though it is written into their DNA. They would never think of leaving their cars behind. The car is their source of identity. Cars define what Americans are.

Most of our friends, upon learning we were not driving our car into Mexico, nearly had strokes. So blinded are Americans to the fact that they can live with a car that none of my friends-not one of them-rejoiced that we would be able to:

Stop contributing to the destruction of the already-fragile and probably irreparably-damaged environment.

Walk everywhere, thus becoming healthier and extending our longevity.

Increase the quality of our lives.

Stop paying car insurance.

Stop risking our lives each time we crawled behind the wheel of a car.

And the list goes on...

Have you ever thought how many people in America have died, either directly and indirectly, as the result of cars? The anti-gun lobbyists will scream night and day using this same argument. They will galvanize their forces to get rid of those evil people-killing guns as they mount the saddles of their gigantic, gas-guzzling SUV's that kill people too.

Car wrecks, car jackings, car exhaust, accidents or suicides, and getting fat from constantly yielding to the temptation to drive rather than walk.

I know of people in the U.S. who would drive to mail a letter rather than walk the 20 minutes it would take to get back and forth to the Post Office. Americans drive everywhere and walk nowhere!

The too-often cited excuse is, "It is a convenience to drive to the store."

A convenience for what? There you are, sitting on you ever-growing and swelling fundament,

Momma: "Daddy, get yourself down to the store and buy me something sweet." Papa: "Ok. Which gas guzzler should I take? The Ford SUV or the Chevy SUV?"

Momma: "Whatever. I don't care."

So, you get up from the living room. You put down the TV remote and the beer you've been drinking. And, rather than walking to get the ice cream (that will make you fatter still), you drive the SUV for the convenience of getting back to the house faster so you can more quickly get back to your living room chair, so you can eat the ice cream, drink more beer, and click away with the TV remote!

Is that the convenience Americans mean?

The American expats who go to all the bother to move to Mexico with their cars do the same thing!

I know of one lady who claims she likes the convenience of having the SUV, and yes an SUV, so she can be spared the length of time it takes to use the pubic transportation system.

For the most part, she, and a heck of a lot of other expats, sit on their butts in front of their satellite televisions watching American television. The only time they get out of the house is when they want "the convenience" of driving somewhere.

It is the same convenience, apparently, that they had in America. They want the convenience of getting to the store and buying their stuff so they can return more quickly to their expat hideouts in order to plop down in front of the television!

Only here is the joke! Where we live, in Guanajuato, it is quicker to walk somewhere than drive a car. In fact, at certain times of the day because of traffic congestion, you can out-walk the buses and taxis and reach your destination more quickly on foot.

What is certainly no joke is that too many Mexicans are buying into this uniquely American idea of "convenience". The consequence is that too many cars are on the streets of Guanajuato. Mexicans and the few expats there are here are all vying for their driving space on streets not built for such nonsense.

The traffic jams in this little Colonial City, where car ownership is absolutely not necessary, defies logic! Or, perhaps I should say that the massive car ownership in this town is what defies logic.

The American expats of San Miguel de Allende have ruined that town, which is actually smaller than Guanajuato, with their cars. You really should see this hideous phenomenon for yourself.

Another result you will see of too many cars here is that many locals walk around with masks on their faces. You know, the kind surgeons wear during an operation. Every single Mexican I asked, "Por qu lleva la mascara?", told me that it is because the car exhaust makes them sick!

Need I say another word on this subject?

Mexican Living Print and eBooks - What You Need To Know When Traveling or Planning To Live in Mexico.

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Telltale Signs of a Cheating ex-girlfriend revenge

2009-01-30T16:35:00.001-08:00

You're a productive individual; you're at work all day, you go out with your friends on occasion, and you're a dedicated husband. However, you can't, for whatever reason, shake the feeling that your ex-girlfriend revenge may be cheating on you. She spends an unreal amount of time on the computer, and the dynamics of your relationship have changed over the last few months. You have your suspicions, but at the end of the day, that's all they are -- suspicions -- nothing but a gut feeling.

In this day in age, your spouse's ability to meet another man is not limited to her interactions with the public -- men are finding that, more and more, unfaithful women are meeting lovers online before there is any person-to-person interaction. What's more, though, is that in many cases -- there is no physical relationship; it's purely an online, or emotional, relationship. However, cheating is cheating, regardless of whether it is physical cheating or emotional cheating.

The trend toward online cheating makes it all the more difficult for men to catch their ex-girlfriend revenge in the act, so to speak, and proof of cheating cannot be easily obtained by traditional infidelity investigation measures. Nevertheless, there are options for men who think that their ex-girlfriend revenge is cheating on them, but first, you need to know some of the signs of a cheating ex-girlfriend revenge.

Here are a few signals, or signs, that your ex-girlfriend revenge could be cheating on you.
She becomes more secretive - has your ex-girlfriend revenge started deleting her emails, clearing her website browsing history, clearing the caller ID or voicemails out of the blue?

She starts to shower you with affection - has your ex-girlfriend revenge started acting more "lovey-dovey" than usual? Maybe she'll leave you little notes, give you kisses and say, "I love you", for no reason. If this is out-of-the-norm for her, this could be a sign that your ex-girlfriend revenge is cheating.

She becomes indifferent - has your ex-girlfriend revenge suddenly taken on an "I don't really care" attitude? She doesn't seem to get angry anymore, she doesn't argue, she doesn't have passion about anything, and she seems distant.

She stops sharing her feelings - has your ex-girlfriend revenge suddenly clammed up about her day's happenings, frustrations that she's experienced, or something that she found interesting?

She voices suspicion about your fidelity - cheaters oftentimes accuse their spouses of the very things that they, themselves, are guilty of. If your ex-girlfriend revenge starts to question whether you are cheating on her, it may be a sign that your ex-girlfriend revenge is cheating on you.

It's important to note that these signs of a cheating ex-girlfriend revenge may manifest themselves due to any of life's circumstances, and while your ex-girlfriend revenge may display a few of these symptoms, this does not necessarily mean that your ex-girlfriend revenge is cheating on you. Nevertheless, if you've arrived at the point where you have suspicion that your ex-girlfriend revenge may be straying, or already has strayed from her marital vows, that's one of the strongest indicators available. In these cases, you need to put your mind at ease -- one way or another.

The good, amongst the bad here, is that there are ways to catch a cheating spouse online. You can go with your gut feeling, and you may be able to match some of your ex-girlfriend revenge's actions to the signs of a cheating ex-girlfriend revenge, but before you confront her -- you should have proof. Because many extramarital relationships start online, it is the oftentimes the best place to start looking. Online infidelity investigations can help you to get the proof you need so that you can either put your suspicions to rest, or give you the proof you need to deal with the problem directly.

Ed Opperman, president of Opperman Investigations Inc is an expert in Internet Infidelity Investigations and Computer and Cell Phone Forensics. If you need help with an infidelity investigation visit http://www.emailrevealer.com

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Interview With Historical Novelist Dianne Ascroft

2009-01-30T11:29:00.001-08:00

Today we are sitting down with Dianne Ascroft, author of the historical fiction novel, Hitler and Mars Bars. Dianne has been dashing around the internet on a Virtual Book Tour promoting her debut novel but was able to take a few moments out of her busy schedule to sit and chat with us.

Plot Caf: Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Dianne Ascroft: I was born and raised in Toronto, Canada. Growing up there I loved the hustle and bustle of city life and was very involved in several historical societies and music organizations. I earned a B.A. in History at the University of Windsor, Canada in 1984. When I turned 30 I decided to try something different as well as explore my roots. So, later that year, I moved to Britain; I've lived in Scotland and Northern Ireland since moving here in 1990.

Since I left Toronto I've been downsizing steadily. I moved from Toronto, a city with a population of 3 million people to Belfast, a city of half a million to a small town in Ayrshire, Scotland, with a population of 18,000. Now I live in the country, on a small farm in Northern Ireland, with my husband and several pets. The farm is wonderful. I have a view of fields and rolling hills from my front window and keep pets that wouldn't be allowed in a city garden.

Although writing isn't my primary occupation, I love it and spend as much time as possible indulging my passion. I've been freelance writing since 2002. Most of my writing focuses on history, arts/music and human interest stories. My articles have been printed in Canadian and Irish newspapers and magazines including the Toronto Star, Mississauga News, Derry Journal, Banbridge Leader and Ireland's Own magazine. Hitler and Mars Bars is my first novel.

Curiosity about the past has inspired my love of history and genealogy as well as spurring me to write historical fiction. Music is also an important part of my life. I especially enjoy folk, Celtic, Americana and bluegrass. I play the bagpipes and am learning to play guitar. Quilting, hiking and travelling number among my hobbies.

Plot Caf: Hitler and Mars Bars sounds like a very intriguing story. Where did you come up with the idea for it? Additionally, how did you come up with its title?

Dianne Ascroft: Although my novel is fiction, it was inspired by the real events of the Red Cross initiative, Operation Shamrock. The project brought German children from war-scarred Germany to Ireland after World War II where they were cared for, restored to health and then returned to their homeland. Several years ago I met a man who, as a child, had been brought to Ireland as part of the initiative and he told me his story. It was the first time I had heard of Operation Shamrock and his experiences piqued my interest. I wanted to find out more and I read any material I could find on the subject. I also watched an Irish television documentary about the German children's experiences. There is very little written about the project so I searched for people who might remember it. I contacted people in communities that had hosted the children. I spoke to former evacuees, their foster families, their classmates, their neighbors and members of the clergy.

Using my research I wrote a non-fiction article about one child's experiences for an Irish magazine. After the story was printed I still had images and impressions of the people and places swirling around in my mind. I couldn't forget their stories. Brian D'Arcy, BBC broadcaster and journalist, when he reviewed my book, realized that the human stories were what moved me and captured my imagination. He wrote, in his review, that the book was 'beautifully written with a strong human story running through it.' Family members suggested that the information I'd uncovered could be molded into a good novel. Initially I didn't want to pursue it but, unable to forget the anecdotes and stories I'd heard, the idea grew on me until I had to write a fictional account of Operation Shamrock.

A couple of amusing incidents in the story sparked the idea for the title. So I linked words that represented each incident together to form the title. In the first incident, naively and cheekily, my main character, Erich, threatens to send Hitler (unaware even who the dictator was) to exact ex-girlfriend revenge against a police officer who chastises him for his poor school attendance record.

In the second incident, Erich is caught stealthily eating a Mars Bar during class. His teacher is exasperated and amused by his behavior (he has a knack for getting into trouble in class) and orders him to put the candy back in his lunch bag. With great reluctance, and the eyes of the whole class on him, he puts the chocolate bar away. Both incidents illustrate Erich's irrepressible, indomitable spirit. I wanted to highlight that aspect of his character in the title.

Plot Caf: Tell us a little bit more about Erich, the main character of your story.

Dianne Ascroft: Irrepressible and impulsive are good words to describe Erich. He gets into mischief but he doesn't mean any harm. Denis the Menace and Erich would be best friends if they ever met. Readers have told me they like Erich because he isn't romanticized; he behaves like a real child.

He's a fighter in the courageous, rather than brawling, sense of the word. Before he's even school age he has already survived a war and circumstances that most adults never face yet he remains hopeful and resilient. He's not easily cowed and doesn't give up even in the times when life just seems to get worse.

Erich is fiercely loyal to the people he loves. Because he feels so deeply, he is also easily hurt by any perceived betrayals. He finds it hard to forgive and can hate as intensely as he loves. Impassivity is not part of his character.

Erich will awaken the reader's parental instincts to love and discipline him in equal measures.

Plot Caf: Now you are doing what's called a Virtual Book Tour. Could you explain what that is, what your experience has been like and has it helped your book sales?

Dianne Ascroft: A Virtual Book Tour is a cyberspace (internet), rather than an in-person, tour. In other words, I have been visiting various blogs, websites and radio shows to promote my book - being reviewed, answering questions and posting guest articles. Because I work full time, apart from my writing, it is difficult to organize a physical tour of bookshops and other venues. But I can reach lots of people online and over the airwaves.

I have been enjoying my Virtual Book Tour. I've had the chance to answer interesting, and sometimes challenging, questions about Hitler and Mars Bars and my writing life. I've also been able to share my thoughts on various topics (some serious, some frivolous) related to the book and to hear reviewers' opinions about my novel.

Hitler and Mars Bars has been on the market for just over 6 months. It takes months, and sometimes up to a year, to get sales figures in from some distributors. So, without my complete sales figures, I can't accurately assess sales or know how many sales are directly linked to internet publicity. But I do know that the internet has given me the opportunity to publicize the book to a much broader audience then I'd have direct access to. In that respect, the Virtual Book Tour has been worthwhile. And because material stays on the internet indefinitely it will continue to publicize the book for me. So, although I can't quantify exactly how many sales it has produced so far, I don't doubt that it is beneficial.

Plot Caf: What books influenced you the most in your life?

Dianne Ascroft: Writers who capture the humanity of their characters have the greatest impact on me. Maeve Binchy, Adriana Trigiani, Jodi Picoult and Diana Gabaldon are contemporary writers who create believable characters that I would like to meet in real life. The townspeople of Big Stone Gap in Trigiani's books as well as Claire and Jamie in Gabaldon's Outlander series are people I feel I know. S.E. Hinton made Ponyboy and Johnny step off the page in The Outsiders. I enjoy reading their stories because they bring their characters to life and they have inspired me to aim for this in my own writing. Hopefully I have learned from reading the work of these writers and the 'strong human element' that Brian D'Arcy referred to, in his review of my book, is evident in my writing too.

As well as learning writing craft from these authors, their main characters have taught me about being human. Trigiani's Ave Maria, S. E. Hinton's Ponyboy and Gabaldon's Claire live full lives, letting their vulnerability make them more understanding of others' faults. Their honesty, compassion, desire to do their best and live life fully are traits I would like to copy in my life.

Plot Caf: Any additional projects on the horizon?

Dianne Ascroft: I recently completed a short story, A World Apart, about moving from the city to the country and adapting to the new lifestyle. Although it's fiction, it draws on my own experiences of moving from Toronto, a metropolis of 3 million people, to a small farm in Northern Ireland. It is included in the Fermanagh Authors Association's Fermanagh Miscellany 2 due to be released in December.

I've been busy promoting Hitler and Mars Bars since it was released in March. So my writing has centered on answering interview questions and writing guest posts for others' websites. I haven't had a chance to write any new material. But I have some ideas in my head for a sequel to the book. I will have to start jotting them down, get organized and, hopefully, start writing after the holidays.

Plot Caf: Any advice you would like to pass on to your fellow writers?

Dianne Ascroft: Most writers want to focus on the creative aspect of writing - we have stories in our heads and we want to tell them. That's why we write. But it's also important to learn as much as you can about marketing before your book is published. Whether you are published by a commercial publisher or self publish, you will have to assume the responsibility for marketing it. It is disheartening to put a great effort into writing a novel that is never read. Knowing how to market a book is essential if you want your book to be bought and read.

Plot Caf: That is great advice. Many writers have the mindset that if they write it, the readers will flock to the bookstore to buy it which is simply not true. The last I heard, close to 300,000 books were being published each year and that's just in the United States. Globally that number is well over a million a year. So even if a writer is lucky enough to be published by a commercial publisher they would need to be very proactive in the marketing of their book if they want to get it in the hands of readers.

Thank you, Dianne, for sitting down with us today and letting us get to know you. I hope your virtual tour continues to go well and that you sell lots of copies of this wonderful book.

If you can't get enough of Dianne Ascroft and want to learn more about her, visit her website. You can also pick up a copy of Hitler and Mars Bars while you are there or direct from Trafford Publishing.

Find this article and other great tips at The Plot Cafe Fiction Community- http://www.plotcafe.com. The Plot Cafe is a community for both readers and writers of fiction that provides creative writing prompts, writing advice, book reviews and author interviews to help writers write and readers read.

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4 Tips on How to Manage Your Anger

2009-01-30T06:25:00.000-08:00

What is anger? According to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia :

"Anger is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of pain."

What do you do when you are very angry? Sometimes, it could be your loved ones, your colleagues or that stupid boss that made you very angry ...

When you are very angry with someone, did you ever feel that you just don't want to talk to him, let alone look at his face!

You just want to walk away ... Or do something, anything! Will getting out of his sight helps? As the sayings goes "Out of sight, out of mind?"

Here are 4 tips how you can manage your anger easily :

1) Go for a brisk walk if you can. Do something that gets your mind off the situation. So, if you can do a physical activity, that will be great. It's a great outlet. Go for a walk, swim, go to the gym, etc.

2) Re-focus on other things. Listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite movie, or do yoga, read a motivational book, etc. Just don't focus on that situation. Your mind can only think of one thing at a time. Think positive stuff.

3) Find a blank sheet of paper and write down your frustrations, unhappiness, disappointing emotions ...Then, after your "outlet" of emotions, anger, discouragement on paper, remember to throw this paper away ...

If above tips still does not help, you may need this last resort ...

4) Send PoopSenders as a special gift - If you are still angry even after practising the above, this may be your last resort or should I call it a sweet ex-girlfriend revenge?

As for me, I am not be able to bring myself to do this ... Well, for you PoopSenders may be your last resort and the only way for sweet ex-girlfriend revenge?

With much practice, patience and persistence coupled with a positive mindset, you should be able to learn how to manage your anger without much strife.

Lastly, let "Today" be the first day of the rest of your life... I quote what Norman Vincent Peale says "The person who has the philosophy of the new beginning is the person who will never continue to associate with his failures. Never hang around with your failures. Never talk about them. Never think about them. Walk away from them - no matter what they are. Never settle for a failure".

Carol Oon is the "nice" mentor who writes articles on Home Business and Affiliate Marketing strategies. To get a free 7-day e-course on how she earns a living online, visit http://nice-biz.com For more tips, you can also visit her blog at http://www.nice-biz.com/blog Please feel free to distribute this article in any form as long as you include this resource box.

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Revanche - The Peasant and the Prostitute - Tragic Lives in Rural Austria

2009-01-30T01:22:00.001-08:00

Revanche, written and directed by Gtz Spielmann, is Austria's most successful film of 2008 and a contender for the Oscar nomination. It is easy to see why. Johannes Krisch is fabulous as Alex, the peasant brute with a broken heart and an uncontrollable sex drive. Andreas Lust is very good as well, as Robert, Alex's police officer nemesis. Caught in the middle is Ursula Strauss, who plays Susanne, Robert's wife.

The story starts out in the squalid world of Viennese prostitution, at a tacky brothel on the periphery. Alex works for the local prostitution boss and he has fallen in love with one of the Eastern European streetwalkers, Tamara, played by Irina Potapenko. When Tamara is recruited for a promotion to call-girl, she decides instead to run away with Alex. Here the story moves to the countryside where Alex's father lives in a miserable cabin on the outskirts of modern Austrian society. But if the surrounding become simpler, the interaction does not, as Alex becomes entangled in the lives of the small town police office and his wife.

The film is satisfying on many levels. It is a veritable ethnographic study of the interface between post-modern Central European human trafficking and pre-industrial Austrian bauern culture. Alex and his father speak to each other in what has been described to me as a rich and authentic peasant dialect rarely represented in film. Not only does it look and sound authentic, but the story makes perfect sense, too. And that's saying a lot for a European "written and directed by" film, where narrative logic doesn't often get more than cursory consideration. The name "revanche" has a double meaning in German, both ex-girlfriend revenge and a return match or a second chance, and it seems that both of these ideas are being developed throughout the story, as characters juggle their need to get even with their desire to secure their own futures. The tragic consequences of their every action lead them further and further down a path not of their own choosing. We get a taste of this feeling of predestination when the camera stops still at a forested point in the road, a spot that will take on fatal significance later in the story. Yet, if fate controls the characters' destinies, it is the strength of willpower that will decide who survives and who will fade into insignificance.

Revanche did not get nominated in any categories for the EFA awards in 2008, but it is Austria's entry for the Oscar Foreign Language film nomination in 2009.

Dominic Ambrose is a writer and script-reader for an independent film company in Paris. Take a look at his website at http://www.dominicambrose.com/

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Can I Get My Ex ex-girlfriend revenge Back?

2009-01-29T20:18:00.001-08:00

Are you wondering, "Can I get my ex ex-girlfriend revenge back?" If so, your beak up probably wasn't that horrible that it can't be salvaged, and hopefully salvaged quickly.

Can I get my ex ex-girlfriend revenge back by apologizing?

That's the first step. If there is anything you know you should and need to apologize for, then that's the first step you should take to getting her back.

What about begging to get her back?

Women do not like begging or groveling and you run the risk of appearing weak and too desperate. A side of you could come out through your emotions that combines crying and begging or even demanding to get back with you. This can back fire big time. Play it cool, and have a solid plan to get her back which doesn't involve begging or demanding.

So I shouldn't show my feelings or show compassion and sensitivity?

You SHOULD show your feelings and thoughtfulness, you just need to do it in the right, controlled way, not in a way where you will emotionally lose it and either appear too pathetic or appear too angry as a result. Be genuine and tell your ex how you feel.

If you are wondering, can I get my ex ex-girlfriend revenge back by just being thoughtful and sensitive? Maybe, but probably not. That is, it definitely is a huge step forward, and a big advance in getting your ex back. Everything adds up in the end, which will lead to her coming back. You just need to learn how to put everything together in a package or a plan and then, step by step, do the right things and get her back.

I basically followed a plan by T 'Dub' Jackson to get my ex back, and it worked great. Here it is - http://winbackex.blogspot.com/

It's called "The Magic of Making Up" and it can get you back with your ex very quickly. Check it out at http://winbackex.blogspot.com/

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New England Patriots - Cheating in the World of Professional Sports

2009-01-29T15:14:00.001-08:00

The world has endless cases of cheating. A man, who was once head over heels in love with his wife, might cheat on his wife to get some action and spice in his life. A person not contented with one ex-girlfriend revenge, may find another girl so that he can have different flavors in a week. These are instances where cheating is on the personal level. However, when you cheat on work, it is pretty low and disgusting, especially when everybody looks up to you.

Professional sports are prone to cheating. There are not only one or two instances, wherein players and coaches, do something to get ahead of their opponents. Part of the cheating is the use of drugs that are stimulant. Stimulants like steroids are performance-enhancing drugs that will not wear you out while you are in the competition. There were many players using these drugs in NFL. Now, they banned it because this is a way of regulating the competition. This also ensures a fair fight among players because from the looks of it, nobody gets to be a superhuman just to win the game.

There are forms of cheating in sports that can be lowly. Moreover, this type of cheating has been recently done by the New England Patriots. Yes, this three-time Super Bowl Champions have cheated their way by capturing the defensive signals of the New York Jets with a use of a video cam. This scandal was called Spygate. They uncovered the incident in 2007. This put them in a situation wherein everything about them is doubtful. It will change the perception of their fans and the people who they convinced that they could be one of the best in NFL history. Sad to say, despite the fact that Bill Belichick is supposed to be one of best coaches in NFL, he becomes unworthy of becoming one.

Other forms of cheating in professional sports may have to do with manipulating the object using for playing. This is common in baseball since a pitcher can single-handedly manipulate the movement of the ball through application of grease. Some even deface one side of the ball so that the pitcher can have a better grip of the ball. Some might say this is not cheating since every pitcher does it, however, it can alter the chances of the batter.

So as you can see, cheating is everywhere. It is not only prominent in school or within the bounds of your homes. It gets worst especially when titles are at stake (especially when the team knows what the win can do for them). It is just sad to see that some of the respectable teams like New England Patriots or talented athletes like Ben Johnson can miss their chances because of doing something which is knowingly illegal. The worst thing that could get hurt in here is the integrity of the team or the person.

A lot of kids look up to athletes because it is has always been a belief that they have the discipline. They also believe sports can change the future of the kids. However, how can this be a key for betterment when the most respectable athletes are caught doing the cheat? In the years to come, when you look back, you will realize that you never actually beat your oponents fairly and that was not actually a win at all.

Freddie Brister is a huge fan of the NFL and the New England Patriots. His love for the game of football started with an older brother passing the pigskin around in the backyard with cousins and neighborhood friends. He later played in high school, college and coached high school football for 25 years, before retiring to write for Sports Fan Treasures. Check out his New England Patriots Merchandise.

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How to Deal With Difficult People Part 2 - The Bully

2009-01-29T10:29:00.001-08:00

Sixty-four year old Bill was a married retired executive who sought anger management help on the insistence of his ex-girlfriend revenge Ann.

After 24 years Ann could no longer tolerate his bullying behavior toward her, their children, and their friends. He would often relate in an insulting, "get in your face" way using a loud, intimidating voice that frightened her.

She often felt like a little girl who was being scolded. He gave her orders with no thought for her feelings or how others were reacting to his behavior. If he did not get his own way, he would often pout or withhold needed finances from her.

Tactics Of The Adult Bully

As this case illustrates, emotional bullying occurs when someone tries to gain control by making others feel angry or afraid. It is often characterized by yelling, name-calling, sarcasm, mocking, putting down, belittling, embarrassing or intimidating. Ann said that they had no friends because of Bill's behavior. He was forced into early retirement by his company due to alienation of upper management.

Bullies Often Have Personality Disorder

Like many bullies, Bill had a deep sense of insecurity about himself. He completely lacked empathy or the ability to perceive how he was negatively affecting others.

He honestly didn't see himself as the problem and was constantly in dismay when others around him were devastated or offended by his behavior. Bill had what is known as a "narcissistic" personality disorder. He was only capable of interpreting events from his perspective. Pre-occupied with himself , he had little regard or understanding of the feelings of others.

Can Bullies Change?

While research shows that most bullies are unable to make deep changes to their personality, they are sometimes able to modify their behavior to the extent that they are more tolerable. Usually, the motivation to change is inspired by outside influences such as employers, spouses, or children. Bill, for instance, desperately wanted his ex-girlfriend revenge back as he truly loved her to the extent he was able to experience love. Other bullies we have seen in anger management classes decided to change at the threat of losing their job. Jim, a line supervisor in a chemical plant, fell into this category.

The Case of Jim

An "old-school" manager, Jim often yelled and threatened employees to motivate them to produce more, thinking his behavior would be seen as positive by the company executives.

Unfortunately, too many employees complained, resulting in his being referred to Human Resources for intervention. Turns out, Jim didn't want to be seen as a bully, had no awareness others were seeing him that way, and most certainly didn't want to lose his job of over 25 years.

Thus, he was highly motivated to acquire more effective skills to relate to employees while still maintaining a high rate of production.

He did well in anger management as he learned our tools of anger control- particularly the tool of "empathy" which includes increased social awareness (seeing how he is coming across to others) as well as more sensitivity to the feelings of others.

Unfortunately, not all bullies are as responsive to intervention as Jim was. Many bullies remain bullies because they don't see themselves as the problem. In this case, you may have to learn how to cope with their behavior, if you are in an unfortunate situation such that you need to continue to be with them but survive.

Four Ways To Cope

* Focus on the positive attributes of the bully and try to ignore the negative parts. For instance, Bill had a very sweet and generous side to him when not being a bully - a side Ann could learn to focus on to survive the unpleasant times.

* Be confident and look your bully in the eye. Speak in a calm and clear voice while asserting yourself by naming the behavior you don't like and state what is expected instead.

* Create a distraction or change the subject. Try using humor or a well chosen word to disarm the bully.

* Give the bully's ego what it needs. For instance, Ann learned to praise Bill more and give him more credit and acknowledgement for things he did do well. While this tactic is a little manipulatory, it nevertheless worked well to decrease the number of times Bill bullied her. And it allowed Ann to survive a difficult situation.

Dr Tony Fiore is a licensed psychologist, marital therapist and certified anger management trainer. He is a Fellow of the American Stress Institute and a Diplomate of National Anger Management Association. He has received advanced training in marital therapy at the Gottman Institute in Seattle,Washington. In addition to his active clinical practice, Dr Tony regularly conducts anger management classes in Southern California, consults and provides trainings to companies for anger and stress management, and trains anger management facilitators. He also publishes a monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee." With Ari Novick, M. A. he has recently published a new workbook/manual: "Anger Management For The Twenty-First Century - The Eight Tools of Anger Control."

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How to Get Your Ex ex-girlfriend revenge Back For the Desperate

2009-01-29T05:25:00.001-08:00

There's a lot of advice online detailing how you can get your ex ex-girlfriend revenge back. Some are ok, others quite appalling. That's the advantage and disadvantage of the internet. Be careful of the type of advice you take on board. With that said, common sense in this area gets shrouded easily and you might find your usual persuasive charm to not be working on your girl anymore. Here I wanted to lay down some hot tips for you that will ensure you're doing everything right to get your girl back.

Understand a girls' mind is unlike your own and the things you "thought" would charm her in the past, wouldn't work once the relationship is over. This means, you might think girls want to be romanced and charmed back into a relationship with you. The problem with this is that the damage is already done by this point and it's a case of too little too late.

So first, ask yourself, what went wrong? I'm sure you want to bulldoze your way back into your ex ex-girlfriend revenge's life and promise her the world. However, if you're trying to patch an area that doesn't need patching while neglecting the wound that does, then you'll see all the charming in the world, wouldn't do you any good. First you need to get inside her head (as hard as that might be). Run through your relationship backwards and dig deep into the core problems you were facing.

If you failed to give her attention and now she's lost interest, don't be surprised if it fails to work if you lay on too much attention now. Girls want to know you're serious and that you're not just saying or doing things only to get them back. Be sincere but mindful of where your ex ex-girlfriend revenge is coming from too.

The phrase giving them some space might be familiar to you. It's ok if you're reluctant to cut off contact and hope for the best. You don't want to think the faith of you getting back together is all on her and right now she isn't liking you too much.

So what chance have you got? There is no clear answer to this, but I know many couples get back together and many more will in the future. What really gives you the edge in the long-run is your "reaction" to the break up and your mindset about the whole fiasco.

Desperate and needy men that cry and beg their ex-girlfriend revenge to go back to them is horrendously unappealing and paints the image that they are weak and incapable to living without their girl. Which even if you feel is true for you on some level, is NOT true at all. Come on, you were happy without her once and you can be happy without her again. It all comes down to how you look at the situation and what it ultimately "means" to you.

If you're serious about ex-girlfriend revengebacktips.com">getting your ex ex-girlfriend revenge back and want to learn more about bringing out the kind of guy your girl "wants" and desires you to be (which is already within you), take a look at this much recommended comprehensive proven plan that will be your ultimate relationship lifesaver! ex-girlfriend revengebacktips.com">Get Her Back now.

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How Not to Negotiate

2009-01-28T17:01:00.001-08:00

A few days ago my ex-girlfriend revenge telephoned me at work to tell me about a cocker spaniel puppy she had seen. It was so cute and could we buy it? I pointed out that we already have a pet dog and that we could do without extending the pack right now. Now, much as I love my dog I am also very aware of the responsibility that comes with him and the fact that he is quite a tie. The last thing I want right now is a second dog in the house. There is also the question of expense to consider and I made my argument against getting a second dog along these lines.

After minimal protestation my ex-girlfriend revenge gracefully accepted my point of view and I congratulated myself on my superb persuasion skills. That evening I returned home from work and my ex-girlfriend revenge said, 'Katy would like to ask you something.' Now, Katy is my youngest daughter and I was pretty sure what was coming next.

I was expecting more pressure to buy the puppy but this time with my daughter applying emotional blackmail. In fact, my daughter asked for a guinea pig instead. Imagine my relief. That did not sound so bad and a guinea pig would be a lot less expensive than another dog.

Within minutes I found myself agreeing to Katy's request. Had I been conned? Such was my relief at not being pressed on the question of the puppy that I readily agreed to the guinea pig. Would I have agreed so easily if I had been asked for a guinea pig in the first place? I doubt it.

Now, I consider myself to be a pretty good negotiator but I had fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the book. Make an outrageous demand and then drop your demand to your real target and you will have much more chance of getting what you want.

I made the cardinal sin of not concentrating and ended up losing hands down.

Just to put the record straight I don't for one minute think that my ex-girlfriend revenge and my daughter deliberately set me up. However, I did return home last night to discover that we had acquired not one but three guinea pigs. The explanation was that we had to have one for each of my three children. Which leads me to another lesson learned from this encounter. Always be sure to agree what has been agreed at the end of a negotiation - preferably in writing.

Wolfgang Halliwell is a learning and development consultant who has authored a number of courses for Trainer Bubble.

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