Wives can be touchy at times. That's when the going's good. Other times there are things you really don't wanna say.

To ensure your continued marital bliss, here are some things you want to avoid saying, ever:

1. Have those jeans shrunk? They look tight on you...

2. What have you done to your hair?

3. You said I wasn't affectionate enough, so I've brought two girlfriends home...

4. Yesterday? Whaddaya mean our anniversary was yesterday?

5. You know, that friend of yours is a really attractive woman...

6. I'll tidy up my desk, when I'm good and ready...

7. You're just like my mother!

8. When I wanted to get married, you were my third choice...

9. What do you do all day anyway?

10. You're not fat, just slightly big...

There are others, but I don't want to scare you too much.

They say that wives are only really amorous for about 20 minutes in a month. So if you happen to be out in the garage at that time... Life can be tough!

Here are some good lines to say: (You get to sleep inside the house!)

1. You're looking slimmer than yesterday! (OK, so sometimes we are economical with the truth...)

2. I'm really intelligent, because I chose to marry YOU!

3. You smell good! (Any guy can use this -- just buy her a bottle of perfume that YOU like!!)

4. You look good! (You can truthfully say this if she can see well)

5. Your hair looks great! (To guys, hair always looks fine. We just don't reckon it's important to always say so. I mean, WHY?)

So there's your complete guide to marital ecstasy. Marriage is so simple...

Duncan Kelly

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Duncan Kelly